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Dating Chronicles: “Chivalry…a Thing of the Past?”

Dating Chronicles:  “Chivalry…a Thing of the Past?”

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I recently had a conversation with a few male guy friends of mine and as usual the topic of dating, men, and women always comes up. They each had different perspectives on how things should be in the dating world. I find it mind boggling and disappointing that our men feel that women don’t deserve for a man to nice and courteous things for her.

For example, I would like for a man that I am dating, my man and eventually my husband, to open my car door for me. What’s the big deal about that? If he and I are riding in a car together, I feel it’s only right for him to open my door, let me into the car first and then he gets in. What happens if we both walk to the car and he goes to his side and I go to my side and somebody run up on me and try to snatch my purse or something?  Then he has to rush out and try to defend me but now it’s too late. Had he would have let me in first, that could have been avoided. I’m not saying that he has to open the car door for me every time when it’s time to get out, (that in itself maybe too much) however show me that care about me enough to care for my well being.

Here are their responses:

“It gets old after a while…who wants to do that all the time”

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He’s implying that he may do it in the beginning; however once you two become comfortable with each other, all that sweet stuff is going to stop. Why is that? Isn’t she still doing the same things she was doing when you guys first started dating? CONSISTENCY is the key for both parties. All the stuff you two did to woo each other in the beginning should never cease, because the love and the attraction has only gotten stronger. I love him more so I want to do even more to keep him around and loving me.  I appreciate her so I’m going to continue to be the man she fell in love with. When both people stop putting forth an effort, that’s where boring and mundane sets in followed by resentment. 

*disclaimer: If there has been a lifestyle change, new baby or employment switch, change can’t be avoided. Probably no more dates to the movies, but who says you can’t pop in a DVD or turn on Netflix? It costs nothing to open a door.

 

“Some women don’t deserve it.”

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I can agree with this statement somewhat. Based off what is portrayed on reality television and certain types of women that are out here.  His argument was “If you look at the women out here they aren’t holding themselves to a standard of a woman. As a man I feel like I have to beg a lady to be a lady. The examples on TV are sad; the outfits they wear to church are sometimes disrespectful to the grounds. Women now go to strip clubs more than men. So it’s not dead we just don’t know if it applies to every female. You get women now look at your crazy if you try opening their door.”  He has point ladies. However like I told him, I can only speak for myself and certain women I associate myself with, and we are neither of the above. But even these women are deserving, they are just misguided and in need of proper direction.

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Last but certainly not least…..

“You’re living in another world. This is 2013 not 1983 or 1973. Be realistic.”

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This is the comment that upset me the most because I feel if more relationships were how they were back then, we wouldn’t have baby mama’s, baby daddies and the divorce rate wouldn’t be as high as it is now. That’s the problem with this microwave generation; they always want things to be instant and don’t want to put in the work to have anything worth quality. (See my post about waiting to have sex while dating soon) They think that everything is supposed to be handed to them, relationships included. Men and women back in the day were different. My beautiful aunt and uncle have been married over 30 years almost and it’s because they both have remained consistent and true to each other. Women should know that being submissive to your husband does not mean giving up your own identity, as well as men should know being the primary or sole provider and/or protector does not mean you control her.  Men used to court women back in the days. They asked her father for permission to date her; they opened doors, and walked on the right side of the sidewalk.

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I know things will not go back to those times however; I personally refuse to settle for what some men may think as normal because I’m no average woman.  

This is probably why I’m single…smh lol.

Thoughts??

 

XOXOXOX Kiss

4 thoughts on “Dating Chronicles: “Chivalry…a Thing of the Past?”

  1. I wish I could print up 100,000 flyers and pass it out to women. The words would be simple: “Opening a door doesn’t make a man a gentleman”. We often look at the superficial actions of someone and write a permanent conclusion. Chivalry is more than opening a door for a woman. Its about a man being honorable in his actions and intentions no matter how good the woman looks, how much he wants to have sex with her. The origin of chivalry dates back to knights being generous, courteous and honest irregardless of the reward or consequence. Chivalry is a traditional code of conduct that is taught to the knight since he was a boy. How many men today have a male role model to teach & model how to be a gentleman? I had 8 role models including my father, most of the young males I see everyday don’t have one. If you want to test a man’s character, observe how he treats people who cannot help him in anyway. The traditional code of conduct applies to women in every spectrum. If her name is Josceline Hernandez or Michelle Obama, my code of conduct doesn’t change.
    Honestly, you will see a very important layer of man’s character when he is rejected. How he responds when he doesn’t get what he wants. I’m going to share a personal experience: I went out on a date with a young lady and at the end of the night, I mustered up enough courage to go in for a kiss once I reached over and “fixed” her seat belt. I went in, she turned left. It was embarrassing but I didn’t over react. I played it off and apologized. Even on our second and third date, I faithfully maintained my code of conduct. Even after we started dating, I was courteous, honest and generous….why? Because I was taught to be that way to my mother, sister, aunts, cousin and so forth. You can’t expect a guy to know something they were never taught…maybe men aren’t gentlemen because women don’t require them to be.

    1. Hi,
      I appreciate your feedback…your views are very thought provoking. “…maybe men aren’t gentlemen because women don’t require them to be.” You’re absolutely right about that, however I’m striving to be that woman who requires them to be for me. For my future son’s sake as well…I don’t feel it’s fair for all women to be held accountable for some women actions. It’s like saying all men are dogs. One bad apple doesn’t spoil the bunch right?

      1. You are right, one bad apple doesn’t spoil the bunch…Dade/Broward County needs more women like you….you should teach an online class or something…lol

      2. Oh no! LOL I do not have all of the answers, trust me I’m still crashing and burning in this thing called dating. But maybe we could partner up and spread the knowledge together lol. I’ll support you.

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