I was in the nail salon recently, and our small group (women and men) got on the conversation about sex. (That’s normal by the way lol) It really got me to thinking about how soon is too soon to give it up or give in to the temptation.
Everyone had different opinions, thoughts or ideas. I can only give my thought process from my perspective.
Single & Dating:
For me, since I am single and trying my hardest to practice “celibacy” I committed myself to not having sex with anyone “new”. I feel it pointless to meet someone, date for a few weeks, have sex with them, and then a few weeks later you end up falling out or fading out. You find out things about this person you didn’t know and now it’s too late. It’s not even worth it. Now this person is walking around going about life with a piece of you that’ll you’ll never be able to get back. I think people make the mistake of having sex with someone before truly getting to know them. This includes their past sexual history as well. What happened to those long conversations or that meaningful quality time (spent outside the house)?? Why are people so quick to jump into bed with someone a week or two after meeting them? I just can’t understand the logic in that.
When I say I won’t have sex with anyone new, it means that I feel more comfortable with having sex with someone who has already earned my trust. It may sound backwards, but to me this person has already proven himself to me.
The 2013 Man:
A lot of men nowadays want something for NOTHING. I take that back, they want EVERYTHING for NOTHING. They don’t want to court you, spend time with you, or date you properly. I’m not at all saying that in order to have sex with a woman you have to spend money on her. However, what I am saying is that if you are attracted to her and want to get to know her on ALL levels you’re going to have to put some work in. Period point blank. You catch more bees with honey than vinegar any day.
What’s wrong with saying “Hey wanna catch a movie? Or want to go this painting class?” How about this for all the men who’s afraid of losing his hard earned money “Want to go to the beach and walk around?” I know it sounds weird and you think women may not go for it, but I’ve had some of the best dates in the weirdest places.
Once a guy asked me could I meet him at Target, because he wanted to re-decorate his apartment and wanted my opinion. We spent 2 hours in Target laughing, talking and shopping. At the end, he didn’t even buy anything. He simply just wanted my company and that was enough.
For me, I know I am extremely hard on men. I require a lot and not the bare minimum. If you want me, show me you want me. I desire consistency. Don’t just assume that because you called me once and we talked on the phone, you’re all of sudden invited to my house and you’re about to get an all-night fuck session. You can hang that up to dry real quick.
This is a situation where two consenting adults have agreed that what they have is just sex and sex only. No relationship will come out of this. They’ve become comfortable with each other sexually and in a sense use each other. This situation works better when both are not in a relationship. I’m not fan of this type of situation but I have done this before. Eventually you get tired of this too. (Kanye shrug)
To Thine Oneself Be True:
At the end of the day, you should only do what you feel comfortable doing, knowing that the next day there will be no regrets. Whether it’s having sex the first date or the 100th date, or if you’re waiting for marriage, you have to be comfortable with your decisions. It’s also important to let your potential partner know up front what your intentions are. This is called effective communicating. If your desire is to wait until marriage to have sex, then let him know up front. Most men are not going for that these days, and that’s their loss. Also, if it’s just your intention to have sex and sex only, state that up front so she/he can make the determination.
I’ve dated and told guys, my desire is marriage. A lot of them can’t handle that so they trickle away. Some pretend they’re all good with it and your celibacy but after a month or two they start getting agitated and try to try you to see if you’ll break that rule for them. Not happening. I understand the world we live in, and I know sex is important in relationships. But it’s just that. If it’s not a relationship then what’s the point? Casual sex in just dating is not for me. We have to have more than that.
If I only knew then what I know now… (The power of mango seasons lol)