Remember back in the day, when you lied and if your parents found out, they beat your behind? It was always about the principle. “If you lie, you’ll steal, and if you steal you’ll kill.” My big momma used to have a belt in one hand and a bible in the other. At the time, I hated it but as I‘ve gotten older I appreciated the lesson in morals. As an adult, all you have is your word. No one appreciates being lied to. This brings me to today’s rant. Ladies, have you ever been lied to by your mate? I’m not referring to the traditional lies that men tell, like whether or not they have a girlfriend or wife, or even about their salary. These are almost expected from men. I’m talking about compulsive liars. Almost to the point to where you’ve been bamboozled about their whole life or existence. The men that tell you the sky is green just to see if you’ll look up. They don’t have it in them to tell the truth even if it’s as plain as the nose on your face.
You have 2 different types of liars.
A compulsive liar is defined as someone who lies out of habit. Lying is their normal and reflexive way of responding to questions. Compulsive liars bend the truth about everything, large and small. For a compulsive liar, telling the truth is very awkward and uncomfortable while lying feels right.
A sociopath is typically defined as someone who lies incessantly to get their way and does so with little concern for others. A sociopath is often goal-oriented (i.e., lying is focused – it is done to get one’s way).
**I once dated a man who was a compulsive/pathological liar. We met online. (I know, I know!) He appeared good on paper. Had a great job, lived alone, and seemed fairly independent and “normal”.
The first thing he lied to me about was his age. His profile said 29 and when we spoke over the phone he confirmed that. However when I asked to see identification on our first date, it stated he was 32. Hmmm. “Why did you lie about your age?” I asked him. Of course he played dumb and came up some lame excuse. This was the first sign and red flag. But of course as women we give the benefit of the doubt.
This man was very cocky and almost arrogant. His excuse was in his profession, he’s used to a certain type of treatment from women. “What is that you do?” He stuck his chest out and proudly boasted, “I’m a firefighter!” His lifestyle he proclaimed afforded him the luxury of the finer things in life. Nice clothes, a nice car, a laid bachelor pad, and plenty of women. But he had none of those. If it’s that easy, why are you online looking for a relationship? Women should be throwing themselves at you. Right?
This man was a compulsive liar. Not only was he NOT a firefighter, he hadn’t even passed the academy. He really was an overnight security guard at an apartment complex. He lived modestly in an apartment that was in serious need of renovation, and that fancy car was really an Altima with missing door handles.
This man lied so much, I think he was starting to believe his own lies.
But that is the thing with lying, once you tell one lie, you have to tell more to cover up the previous.
Not that the difference in who he truly was would have made him less desirable upon first meeting him. Come as you are and own it. But pretending to be someone you’re not in hopes to win someone over is pathetic and grounds for termination.
Here are some tips to avoid putting yourself in a situation with someone like this.
1. Trust your gut/instinct. Once you discover the first lie no matter how small, move on.
2. Confront them. If they think you believe them, they will continue to lie. Let them be aware that you know the truth.
3. Verify all facts. Eventually liars can’t hide the truth. Ask questions.
Ladies, don’t be bamboozled.