An Excerpt from my book in the making…..Enjoy and please feel free to comment.
I must have sat in my car for 4 hours, playing Fantasia’s new song Lose to Win crying my heart out. Her words rang so true for me.
“Have you ever needed someone so bad?
But he ain’t willing to make it last.
Sometimes you gotta Lose to Win again
If he makes you cry, cry, cry
When all you do is fight
Cant get no sleep at night
Sometimes you gotta Lose to Win again”
I loved Marco with ever fiber in me it seemed. I just couldn’t understand how all this hurt and pain he’s caused me over the last few years. I thought I was okay with being the side chick or the other woman at first but now I’m not. I want more. I deserve more. I need more. I love him more than he loves me for sure. I know a part of me is holding on to Marco because I’m scared to leave him. I’m scared to start over. But this can’t be healthy. I’m barely sleeping a night. While I’m not complaining, I have dropped at least 10 pounds.
I just can’t help but feel how cheated I’ve been out of a life by dealing with him for so long. I honestly feel stuck in this so called relationship. We celebrate holidays and birthdays the day before or after. I don’t know how my life ended up like this.
A tap on my window startled me and caused me to jump and clutch my chest. It was my neighbor. I rolled my down my window.
“Hey Ms. Lady you okay? You have been sitting out here for a good lil minute?”
I didn’t know his name but we’ve bumped into each other a few times at the mailbox station in our complex and exchanged a few words every now and then. He was handsome but though backwards, I am fully committed to Marco and I didn’t know his situation. He probably lived here with his girl or something.
“Hi, yeah I’m fine” I said. “Were you watching me or something?” I hope he wasn’t a stalker because that’s not what I need in my life.
He laughed and I noticed how perfect his teeth were. “No ma’am never that. I was on my patio working on my bike and I noticed you pulled up but never got out. I’m just a concerned neighbor.”
I looked him up and down. He had on a black wife beater shirt, basketball shorts, socks and flip flops.
“Concerned neighbor huh?” I instantly got an attitude. “Yeah right whatever. I’m fine thank you.”
I tried to roll my tinted window back up but he put his hand on the glass.
“Wait a minute, why so snappy? I was just checking to make sure you’re alright. You’re the one sitting out here in the dark blasting music all loud. It’s not safe for a you lady to be outside this time of night.”
I sucked my teeth. Who did he think he is?
“Listen, you don’t know me so don’t tell me what I should be or should not be doing. I can take care of myself!”
He looked a little bothered then smiled. “You’re right. My apologies. Get home safe.”
I watched him walked off to the direction of his building. Maybe I shouldn’t have snapped on him like that. I mean he was trying to be nice. But then again Marco started out nice too.
I walked up the stairs to my apartment and took my shoes off and plopped on the couch.
My cell phone vibrated and I checked my messages.
Marco: Sup? Since when you talk to me like that?
Me: does it matter?
Me: yes really
Marco: Okay rae whatever you say
I hated when he called me by my nickname Rae…he made it up for me on one of our first dates and he only said my real name when we were going at it.
Me: Listen I had a long day. I’ll talk to you later.
Marco: Later? Don’t play with me. Open the door.
I sighed. He always did this shit. Pissed me off then always popped up over here. Before I could respond he knocked on the door.
I opened it.
“So this is what you do now? You just show up un-announced?”
Raven stood in the doorway with this aggravated look on her face. I wanted to laugh because she looked so cute mad, but didn’t want to piss her off even more.
“My bad Rae…I was in the area and I wanted to see you.” I said
I always showed up un-announced so I don’t even know why she is tripping. I even had my own key to her spot but she took that back when she found out about my family.
“If I had my key, I wouldn’t even need to let you I’m at the door. Are you going to let me in or what?”
Raven opened the door wider and walked off.
She went into the bathroom and got in the shower and I sat on her couch and flipped on the news.
She’s been acting funny last couple of months and I know it’s because I’m not doing what I said I would. I told her things would change for the better between us I just needed time. Lately I’ve been neglecting her and not staying true to my word. I just haven’t figured out how to balance the two women plus my kids then I’m still running the business that my brother left me. It’s a lot harder than I thought. I planned on taking Rae on a trip soon to make up for some of the things I’ve been doing or haven’t been doing..
When she got out I came into the bedroom where she was putting lotion on her body.
“I got this for you.” I handed her an envelope.
She gave me a side eye look. “What is this, your divorce papers?” She took the envelope and opened it.
“Not yet baby, I told you in due time. This is something that you’ve been asking for so I finally took some time and put it together. For the both of us.”
I watched her reaction as she read the details of the paper.
She had a slight smile on her face. “This is a plane ticket and hotel confirmation in mine and your name…to New York.”
“Yeah didn’t you say you always wanted to go back? Plus I got my mans up there I gotta holla at and do some work.”
She frowned. So I said “Nah not like that, this is our trip but you know I still gotta make some money too baby. Don’t you want to go shopping and all that shit?” I laughed.
She came to me and kissed me. “Yes I do and will be going shopping. Thank you Marco I’m a little excited”
“A little? Well what I got to do to get you a lot more excited?”
She went to her dresser drawer to put on night clothes since she was still naked from her shower.
“Marco, this is just a Band-Aid. You know what you have to do.” She stared at me through her custom mirror.
I went up behind her and started kissing her neck. “Rae I know I’m fucking up. I’m sorry but I’m trying, seriously baby. I just need time. I promise I love you and I’m going to do whatever it takes to keep you in my life.” I stared back at her through the mirror.
“I love you more Marco, and that’s the problem. I can’t keep doing this. Sleeping with another woman’s husband, I don’t even know who I have become since all of this. ” Raven looked as if she was going to cry.
I kissed her. I picked her up and carried her to the bed and started to kiss her all over her body.
I opened her legs, laid on top of her, came face to face with her.
“Baby, it’s impossible for you to love me more because I love you more than I love myself.” I stared into her deep eyes. “Rae do you believe me baby?” I needed her to see my sincerity.
She looked at me and her eyes filled with tears. “Yes, I guess I do”
I kissed her on her luscious lips. “Mmmmhhhmm” She moaned into me and I knew I had her.
I kissed all around her neck and collar bone and slid down to her breasts. I put one in my mouth and sucked it very gently as she liked it. She tasted like a creamy vanilla because of her lotion. I worked my way to her stomach and dipped my tongue in her belly button and swirled her belly ring in my mouth.
“Oooh baby, Marco”. Raven was grabbing the sheets because her belly button was her spot.
I trailed down from her belly button to her clit and started to suck it very gently for her. I needed her to come quick because I wanted to feel that pussy on my dick immediately.
“Marco…mmmhmmm baby, you about to make come, wait baby…” she couldn’t help it and came immediately , just like I needed her too.
“Aaaaahhh, ooooh baby. Shit.” Raven’s juices slipped down her thighs.
I grabbed her waist and slid her down to my dick and started stroking her very deep and slow.
To my advantage the lights were on in her room, so I stared deep into her face as she made ecstasy expressions.
“Look at me baby, look at me. “ I was staring intently at her. She opened her eyes.
“I need you baby. I need you in my life, you hear me baby?” I stroked my dick in and out of her in a melodic rhythm.
“I don’t want to lose you Rae. I promise I’m gonna make this right. Just give me time. Okay baby?”
“Yes…yes…baby… I hear you… I love you so Marco.” Raven was in between breaths and the pussy was tightening on my dick so I knew she was about to come again.
“Good. Go ahead and come baby. Come for daddy.”
She came long and silent…..she was never dramatic in the bedroom. I loved that about her. Save all that loud screaming shit for the pornos and flicks.
I flipped her on her stomach, to do our signature move. Me on her back, our hands tightly held together, my face on her shoulder.
She was so wet, I knew I was about to bust in a minute.