As always I try to only write or blog about what I know and what I have experienced firsthand whether through triumphs and victories or trials and tribulations. Today I wanted to speak on the “misogynist man”.
Webster Dictionary defines a misogynist as a person who dislikes, despises, or has an extreme prejudice against women. In layman’s terms a woman hater. They hate women so much, it’s a wonder why they aren’t homosexuals. Even the gay men, have female besties though, but I digress.
I’ve had the displeasure of meeting a misogynist and wanted to share a few tips as well as my experience on how to spot them and run as far away as you can.
1.He had a poor relationship with his mother. He had an abusive or passive father. He is a product of a dysfunctional family.
I always say, if you want to learn about the core of man, look at the relationship he has with his parents. Does he love his mother? Does he respect his father? Little boys learn from both parents the dynamics of a proper relationship with women. If a young boy sees his mother verbally or physically abusing his father, he would in turn develop a hatred for her and pity his father for not standing up for himself. (lack of respect) If his mother never showed him any type of emotional connection, it’s safe to say he can grow older to be cold and distant towards women. Blaming them for his upbringing.
2. He’s obsessively jealous… even of your women friends.
Your female friends to him, represent an outlet he is not apart of. His fear is that they are there to turn you against him. He’d much rather keep you to himself, so he can maintain his sense of control.
3. He encourages pity from others. He tells stories about how he was victimized all his life and that no one really ever loved him (you feel sorry for him)
It’s nothing worse than a man playing the “oh woe is me” card every chance he gets. he recognizes his upbringing wasn;t the best, but instead of trying to change his life for the better he uses it as a crutch. Don’t fall for it.
4.He is nasty behind the wheel and feels that others’ mistakes on the road are directed toward him.
Not to be mistaken for regular road rage. He truly believes all women are the worst drivers and are out to purposely crash his beloved car.
5. He makes jokes and puts down women in front of you, then ridicules you if you get upset.
Ever heard of a man saying, “All black women are bitter and gold diggers?” How black women don’t support the black man? And all black women wear weave? When you start to respectfully disagree, it’s an issue.
6.He can’t stand criticism; always on the defense. He is uncomfortable with feelings; contemptuous of others’ weaknesses.
This is not a man who you can constructively criticize or who is open about their emotions. However, he will be quick to judge you, and play on your weaknesses to once again remain in control and have the upper hand.
It was ladies night, and me and my girls stopped at a tapas bar for a few cocktails before a concert. I noticed a waiter who caught my eye immediately, he was 6’5, ebony black skin, bald head and bulging muscles hidden behind his button up shirt. Picture Morris chestnut on steroids. Being the shy but never scared individual as I am, when he stopped to pick up our tab, I left my business card in the bill fold. I played my move and waited for him to play his.
Sure enough, he called the next day. I was intrigued. No text, I prefer it that way. Texting is informal. The introduction started out pretty normal until we started getting to the meat and potatoes of our conversation. He told me his mother had passed and he wasn’t on speaking terms with his father. I was curious and probed deeper, his mom died of cancer and his father had remarried a younger woman. He said it very nonchalantly but I took that as a sign he didn’t want to discuss it and moved on. We continued to talk about my thriving business as an at risk youth counselor and my desires for financial freedom away from the corporate world. We didn’t really have much in common besides the basics, no children, independent, and looking for more than just dating. As several weeks went by I started to notice his disdain for women was obvious.
He blamed his mother for being a typical black ghetto chick from the hood, who didn’t provide his family with a better lifestyle so she became a product of her environment and died of cirrhosis of the liver. She basically drank herself to death. He criticized his father for leaving him and his family in the hood, for “whiter pastures. His father had asked him to be his best man in his wedding, and boasts how he promptly declined and didn’t even attend. He had 2 younger sisters who both had baby daddy’s and were ratchet in his opinion. Whenever we spoke of my work at the girls group home, he talked down about them citing I was wasting my time with women who were going to end up in the strip club anyway. He’d much rather I stopped spending time with them, and include him more in my daily activities.
He was very adamant about not dating black women because we didn’t understand him and to him we were not authentic. Yet I was the only black or even dark skinned woman he was attracted to. Surprisingly.
Remember I mentioned he was a waiter? Well his dreams to the NBA was shattered along with his knee during college and he insists that his female physical therapist didn’t put in the necessary work to help him heal and recover properly. So he worked as a waiter because it was fast and easy money. He was easy on the eyes so he was tipped handsomely, mostly from women of course who he despised for even having the funds to do so.
He continuously showed such a disinterest in women period, I wrote him off. I see why he was single.
Haven’t once been back to that tapas bar either lol
Have you ever encountered a misogynist man?
Thoughts? xoxoxo hershykiss.wordpress.com