It’s that time of year again. The time of year when everyone reflects on the prior year and vow to make changes for the one to come. 2014 has been an interesting year for me in all aspects. Professionally, socially, and personally.
In my previous blogs I’ve mentioned how blogging and/or writing is emotional for me because it takes a lot internally. I battle with myself on what I should put out for the world to see and read, even after I am long gone. Having your words, thoughts and ideas in the universe is a scary feeling for someone who is as guarded as I am. You feel as if you may be judged for standing in your own truth. Funny thing about “truth” is that, it’s just that. TRUTH. You have to face it whether it’s in your mind, on paper, or on a blog. Judgment shouldn’t matter.
Professionally this year I accomplished my ultimate goal in my chosen field of customer service, which was to get off of the direct line of communication with consumers. In layman’s terms; get off the phones! LOL I have been working in the customer service field for almost 10 years and feared that due to my lack of college education I was not qualified for a higher position. However, I stepped out on faith and was awarded a promotion in which I am solely responsible for a large portion of equity in a reputable marketing company. Sometimes you think that you can’t do something, but all you need is a little courage and a whole lot of faith and the possibilities are endless. I am excited to see where my growth with this company will lead me.
This year I also started my brand “Ultimate Single Girl”. This idea came to me after having a conversation with a close female friend of mine and we were discussing the lack of quality individuals in South Florida. Men but mostly women, who settle for lackluster relationships due to the inconveniences of life. My goal with USG is to simply assist in helping women be their “best” self, which will prepare her for her next relationship or cultivate the one she is already in. I’ve seen so many women (myself included) who have succumbed to the norm because they don’t truly know themselves. How can we say we love someone when we don’t love ourselves? How can we demand specific treatment from the opposite sex when we treat ourselves worse? Women shouldn’t be apologetic for their wants and needs but she must first accurately know who she is and what she wants. USG’s motto is “To thine own self be true” and “In order to be a great HALF to someone, you must first be a great WHOLE to yourself. Through enrichment and social activities with USG this can be possible.
I also had several of my blogs featured on an entertainment site BallerAlert.com. It was very interesting to see the thousands of comments and opinions my thoughts on dating, men, etc caused. Very humbling experience.
This leads me to reflect on my personal life for 2014. I am not going to lie to myself or this blog, I am VERY angry with myself for the choices I have made personally this year. My frustration comes from knowing that I “know” better and yet and STILL I continued to make naive, childish decisions when it came to men. At my age, I am supposed to have grown past all the obvious bullshit and demand what I know I deserve. I guess it is apart of life. You can grow but it is important to evolve. The earlier part of this year I continued to deal with a soul tie ex for fear of branching off to the unknown. That continued until his marriage was made aware to me and with a still very broken heart I moved on. I then met a man who was deceitful about his life, and though I knew this from the very beginning I still entertained him out of fear of loneliness. In my mind the truth would come out eventually and it did which gave me an easy way out.
Lastly, I met a man who I felt I could stand still with after a merry go round of dating and heartbreak. Our meeting was unnatural and literally something out of the movies. Our connection was instant and the chemistry incomparable to anything that I had ever experienced. For the first time in years I felt those butterflies but ignored all of the obvious signs of a man who was not for me. Sometimes you want something so bad, whether a marriage, a lifetime partner, babies and etc. You ignore the blatant. He was and still probably is a good guy, just not the one for me. Actions will always speak louder than words, and in the mutual end the bad outweighed the good. Mr. Too Damn Good.
I guess I figure I am angry or sad with myself because in all situations there was that initial gut feeling that told me to fall back, or wait or even just run like hell but I didn’t listen.
I don’t have any immediate plans for dating for 2015 because I want to practice what I preach. I need a break honestly. Time for me to know and love me, so that it will radiate off of me and whosoever is for me will gradually make an appearance.
This new year I vow to let go of fear. Fear of a lot of things I have noticed holds me back from reaching my potential in any area. It’s difficult because the analytic side of me has to break things down and have definite ways and paths. But life is about experiencing the unknown, and sometime there is no direct path.
Ride this wave with me….who knows where I’ll end up. 🙂