The topic of marriage surrounds me daily. As a young, unmarried, childless woman, I am often a prime candidate for unsolicited but much needed advice from near and far.
“Marry who loves you more than you love them, you won’t go wrong.”
“Marriage is not all it’s cracked up to be.”
“Wait. Live your life first.”
And my favorite “Marriage is a business.”
Recently, I have had a few serious conversations with individuals who are married, but are not happy. Some who are cheating, and some who are miserable, plotting a way out.
I didn’t know whether to be glad I am not them or to be fearful for my future? If all that surrounds me is bad marriages, or poor misrepresentations of what marriage should be, what would make me the exception? Then, I took a step back and evaluated my list.
Do I want to be married? Yes
But am I ready to be a wife? Yes
There is so much advice or blogs for women about how to find a mate (baller), how to keep a man (baller), how to spice up your sex life with your man etc. But are there any positive sources about how to be a WIFE and not just a married woman?
Marriage isn’t for everybody, so let’s make that clear. There are a lot of women chasing after the fairy tale wedding, the huge diamond ring, and the tall, dark and handsome at the alter.
However after the “I do’s” have been said, now what?
Have you discussed gender roles for your household? Some men are comfortable with letting the wife lead, and he take a backseat. Or in often cases, men play the dominant role and women are submissive. In this case, do you know how to be a submissive wife?
A married woman is defined as a man’s partner in marriage. A partnership, almost like a business. In today’s society, this is the woman who is married but lacks regard for her marriage or her household. She’ll stay out late with her girlfriends or plans trips or events with consulting with her spouse. She’s fiercely independent and lacks the ability to be submissive to her husband even if it calls for peace. (Your mom ever told you, to let the man feel like the man?) More than likely she doesn’t know how to cook, and dreads having to do so that one required day of the week, refusing to be a maid or servant. This marriage was done to satisfy that burning desire to be a MRS before a particular age or to keep up with her social circle.
A wife is defined as a person that is there for you whenever you need them, the person that makes you want to be better, the person that you love and cherish forever. (Urban dictionary) It is rare in today’s society but not unfathomable. She keeps the secret details of her intimate family life separate from others. She is devoted to being good to her husband and does not gossip to others about him. She shares her heart with him as he does with her. This verbal intimacy and private time develops a deep trust and strengthens their bond to one another. A wife also has the role of keeping or managing the household as a sub-dominion. This requires a wife to submit to her husband’s leadership, not in a way that is demeaning, but is in sync with supporting one another as believers.
When a wife keeps a home, it creates an environment to which her husband can come home and share time with his wife. Keeping of the home includes normal household duties such as cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, decorating, and managing household affairs in addition to other things. This is not to say that the husband cannot do any of these things and should not help where needed, but God has given this role to the wife.
It also creates an environment where children can be raised with structure and order. This helps establish the family dynamic as one that is devoted to loving and supporting each other and establishing a family way of doing things that is in keeping with God’s charge of how to raise children and run a home.
To my female readers, are you wife or a married woman??
My male readers. which do you prefer?