So driving to work this morning, an oldie but goodie Beyonce’ songs hits the airwaves.
There was a time
I thought, that you did everything right
No lies, no wrong
Boy I must’ve been out of my mind
So when I think of the time that I almost loved you
You showed your ass and I, I saw the real you
Thank God you blew it
I thank God I dodged the bullet
I’m so over you
So baby good lookin’ out
I wanted you bad
I’m so through with that
‘Cause honestly you turned out to be the (best thing I never had)
I had to turn this song ALL THE WAY UP. Singing my heart out on the highway, facial expressions and all, you would think I wrote this song lol.
Got me to thinking (of course). How many times have we dodged that bullet that would have led to prolonged unhealthy relationships or in worse cases, marriages we would be miserable in or unplanned pregnancies?
At the time, that you’re going through it, you don’t feel it. All you know is you love this person and you can’t see life without them in it. Sometimes as women (men are guilty of this also) we psych ourselves out that the person may change for the better or they might just be going through a rough time right now and as a good mate you’re obligation is to stick around until everything gets better.
Wrong Wrong Wrong. Listen, my mom has always told me as well as countless others experienced adults, when a person shows you who you are, BELIEVE THEM! Don’t fall for the representative! Everyone is on their good behavior in the beginning. They are supposed to be. It’s like a job. Within your first 90 days, you’re not late, showing up early, offering to do extra work, the whole 9. Once those benefits kick in, (sucks teeth) homeboy is late every other day, extended lunches and the first one out the door at 5pm.
I’ve been a victim for falling the representative. We all have. I’m just now at the tender age of 27 learning what it is that I TRULY want, what I have to OFFER, and what I will not SETTLE for. It took me a while to get here, but I have arrived and I’m checking the bull crap at the door. Bye PHILIP! (Supposed to be Bye Felicia but you get it lol) I’m an authentic individual, educated, intelligent, highly ambitious, lover of Christ, respectful to all humans and independent with no baggage (physical anyway lol) I don’t and won’t settle for the bare minimum anymore. All or nothing. And trust me….
There is always GOOD in GOODBYE.
I met this guy through a mutual friend. He was a smooth talker I tell you. Very charismatic and extremely mature. I have this thing for “grown” men. I can’t explain it, but a man attracts me and not boys. Anyway, he was about as close to perfect as I had gotten in my years of dating. Sweet, genuine, thoughtful, affectionate, every thing I wanted. The first 2 months were blissful. Then, he went on a summer tril for 2 weeks and who returned was not the man I met.
Let’s just say I met Michael, but who came back was Makaveli. LOL
I started to notice the distance in behavior. We went from talking every day and seeing each other every other day, to once every 2 weeks if that. Quality time went from 100 to 0. This was a man, who used to text me throughout the day, but would now forget to call during the week!
I tried to chop it up as, he was trying to get his kids adjusted back into their routine and that took some time. You see he was a single father and at first I found that admirable. What woman doesn’t want a man who is 100% present in their children lives? He was raising men and I saw that to be a great quality.
However, it got to the point where his children and in conjunction with his demanding job, monopolized ALL his time. He felt guilty for leaving them on the weekends, even for a few hours to spend time with me.
It wasn’t like he was living by himself with his children, who in my opinion were old enough in age to be self sufficient, especially boys. He lived with his parents, who he stated when we first met was a big help to him with his kids. Then it turns out his parents had their own lives, and weren’t babysitters. They weren’t old grandparents, still fairly young and as Jody mom said in Baby Boy, “mama gotta have a life too”
Long story short, the lack of quality time wasn’t an issue for me. I rationalized it in my mind, as growing pains, and I get it, people with children have to act differently. I was willing to accept that.
It was the other things that made the relationship sour in my opinion.
The communication was no longer there. The disrespect towards me on his end, the sense of entitlement he felt he was owed because he was in his mind “one of the good guys” . The empty promises, several of them, all of them actually went unfulfilled. The inconsistency in his emotions, he went on an extreme high to a dangerously low in a matter of days. The nonchalant attitude towards the future of the relationship when before it was almost pre-planning wedding details.
What stood before me, was not the strong, mature, grown, intellectually and corporate sound individual that I met few months prior and fell for. But a man who felt like raising children, working a demanding job, and having a relationship was too much to bear mentally. I know plenty of single mothers who do it with their hands tied behind their back with one eye open. He also displayed signs of emotional vulnerability due to his previous marriage and while that’s not a problem, it’s the way he dealt with ME because of it.
Last straw, after several months apart an attempt to reconcile made itself available, but yet and still he remained the same egotistical man. Owning no accountability for the things he put in motion which caused the first break up.
In the words, of Beyonce, “I used to want you so bad..I’m so through with that…It’s time to face the facts
That I’m the one that’s got away
Lord knows that it would take another place, another time, another world, another life..”
You showed you ass, and I saw the real you…LOL